It's a Trailer Park of Emotion!: Seduced by Moonlight

The first to anger, the last to forgive, and he pouted It seemed the wrong word for a warrior who had defended his queen for more than a thousand years, but it was the right word. Frost pouted, and it made me tired to see it. He was amazing in bed, a wondrous warrior, but shoveling his emotional shit was nearly a full-time job. There were days when I wasn’t sure I wanted the job.

It certainly doesn’t make me want to read, either. Constantly reading about a pouty, crybaby, whiny character crybabying his way through a story isn’t exactly any fun.

Anyway, Frost tells them that Kurag, King of the Goblins, called over the mirror while they were busy with the paparazzi, and he is currently chatting with Kitto. Doyle immediately starts for the bedroom…

Wait a second. They’ve moved to a new house, so why the FUCK is the mirror-phone thing STILL IN THE BEDROOM. Why not move it to its own room, so that they’re never “accidentally interrupted” in the middle of sex or whatever? You guys are idiots.

So Doyle is about to enter the bedroom when he realizes he’s only wearing the bikini bottom. He wants to change, because Kurag doesn’t care for male sidhe flesh, only female, and Rhys tells him that the goblins care for any flesh, not just female.

Doyle stopped long enough to frown at him. “I did not mean to feast upon.”
“Neither did I,” Rhys said.
That stopped Doyle firmly on his bare feet, so dark against the white and blue tiles. “What are you saying, Rhys?”
“I am saying that there were many goblins who had never tasted the pleasure of sidhe flesh, male or female, and there were those who did not care that it was male.” He rubbed the side of his face against my neck and shoulder, a comfort gesture.
“Kurag…” Frost began, but he couldn’t finish the sentence. The anger at Rhys, or the reporters, or whatever, was gone. His face displayed the outrage they were probably all feeling.
I stroked Rhys’s curls, so soft, and molded myself more tightly in his arms. I drew my fingers down the curve of his neck and shoulder. When the fey are anxious, we touch each other. I think humans would do it if their culture didn’t confuse touch with sex so often. Touch can lead to sex, but at that moment I just wanted to hold Rhys and take that look off his face.
Doyle came back a few steps, one hand on a slender hip. “Are you saying that Kurag… outraged you?”

Outraged? What? I don’t think that’s the proper use of that term.

So Rhys tells them that Kurag never touched him, but he sat and watched all the while eating snacks as if it were entertaining. Doyle tells Rhys that they’ve all had to sit and watch Queen Andais’s little public entertainment sex shows, so what Kurag did was nothing special, but Rhys argues that he never participated.

“It would be one thing to choose it. It is another to be bound and…” He shook his head.
I let the towel fall to the floor and touched his arm. “Rape is always ugly, Rhys.”
He gave a smile so bitter that it made me hug him, to comfort him and so I wouldn’t have to see that look on his face.
“A lot of the guards don’t agree with that, Merry. You’re too young, you don’t remember what we’re like during a war.”
I stayed clinging to him, trying to will him happier just by pressing my skin against his I didn’t want to know that my guards had done horrible things. No, that wasn’t it. I didn’t want to know that the men I shared my bed with had done horrible things. Then I remembered a conversation that I’d overheard months ago.
I pulled back enough to look into Rhys’s face. “I remember this conversation, Rhys. You said you’d never touched a woman who didn’t welcome your touch. Doyle said, outright, that the penalty for the queen’s guards to touch any woman but the queen still applied to rape. You go to any other woman and it’s death by torture, for you and the woman.”

Wait, so if a guard rapes a woman, the woman gets killed anyway? So now we’re punishing the victims of rape? That’s cool.

Doyle eventually explains to Merry what she’s failing to understand from their conversation. He tells them that what Rhys is accusing the goblins of (rape/watching torture/etc) is nothing that the sidhe themselves haven’t already done. He then goes into the bedroom to greet the goblin king.

So Merry turns to Rhys to YET AGAIN explain to him how goblin culture works in relation to sex. Because this hasn’t already been discussed to death in both previous book, right? Merry also explains to him that the goblins are often opportunistically bisexual, like that’s a thing. Rhys finally calls Merry out on her shit.

“Do you delight in reminding me that my worst nightmare was my own doing? That if I hadn’t been an arrogant sidhe who couldn’t be bothered learning about any people but my o wn, I might have known that I had rights among the goblins. That even the victims of torture have rights.”

Which, you think would make Merry understand that she’s being a bit of a jerk, but nope!

“You’re still being arrogant about their culture, Rhys. You act as if what they did to you is nothing that could ever have happened in the high courts of the sidhe. If the Queen of Air and Darkness bid it, or the King of Light and Illusion wanted it, it would be done. And the sidhe have no laws protecting the victims of torture. You’re just tortured. The goblins may do more torture, maiming, and rape than the sidhe, but they’ve got more laws in place to protect the people who end up on the wrong end of the punishment. You get fucked over by the sidhe, and they fuck you any way they want to. So you tell me, Rhys, which race is the more civilized?”

Hahaha, wait. Merry, you JUST HAD THIS EXPLAINED TO YOU BY DOYLE. And now you’re throwing it in Rhys’s face like he’s the one at fault here? Sure, the goblins may have more laws protecting their victims, but NOT IF NO ONE EVER KNOWS ABOUT THEM. They’re purposefully keeping these laws hidden, and then using everyone’s ignorance of the laws to take advantage of them. That’s not exactly civilized behavior. That’s sidhe-level manipulation right there.

Frost and Rhys both ask Merry to explain further, because they’re taking it as meaning that Merry believes that the goblin’s world is superior to the sidhe world. Merry explains that she’s sick of people thinking that the sidhe are perfect and no other culture is as good as theirs, especially when time and time again other cultures have more preferable aspects than the sidhe. That as far as she is concerned, the goblins and the sluagh and the sidhe are all Unseelie, all part of the same culture.

Merry continues to tell Rhys that the only reason Kurag picks on him is because he knows it’ll get a reaction from Rhys. So Rhys responds that he’ll stay out of any future conversations with Kurag. Then this ridiculous conversation happens:

“When you’re not there, Kurag spends time asking after you. He keeps asking, Where’s my delicious guard? The pale one.”
“I didn’t know he did that,” Rhys said.
I shrugged. “He does.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Doyle said it would just upset you, and there wasn’t anything you could do about it.” I closed the distance between Rhys and me, laid a hand on his crossed arms. “I disagree. I think you’re stronger than Doyle knows. I believe that you can swallow this hurt, and help me turn the tables on Kurag.”
He looked suspicious. “How?”
I dropped my hand from his arm. “Never mind, Rhys.” I turned toward the hallway.

I mean, what the fuck? Why tell him this and then be like “LOL NO”. WHY DO THIS. Merry you’re the fucking worst.

So she eventually tells Rhys that he should join their mirror conversation and flash a lot of skin to distract Kurag. Frost tells her that she is asking too much of them, telling her it is beneath them. Merry then jokes “If Kurag agrees to lengthen the alliance, I’ll be beneath a lot of goblins” hur hur hur.

Apparently Merry is planning to see if Kurag will agree to extending their alliance, which expires in two months, if Merry can bring additional goblin/sidhe mixes to their “sidhe powers” as she did with Kitto. Meaning she is going to fuck a bunch of them. Because fucking one of the goblins is totally cool, but not fucking one of the demi-fey? Remember that big scene Merry caused in the last book about how she won’t fuck Sage because he could get her with child and potentially be king? How is fucking all these goblins to bring them to power any fucking different? RIDDLE ME THAT.

Frost starts begging Merry not to offer Kurag this option, that she doesn’t know what she is offering of herself. Oh, Saint Merry knows. She knows everything about everyone, remember?

“First, I want the alliance lengthened, at almost any cost. Second, the sidhe have been dying out for centuries, but if Kitto can be full-sidhe, then maybe other half-sidhe could be brought into their full powers. It would mean that the Unseelie Court would suddenly be stronger than it has ever been.”
“The queen is excited about Merry bringing Kitto to us,” Rhys said. “The queen wants Merry to try other half-breeds in her bed.”
“And what if one of them gets you with child?” Frost asked. “No sidhe will accept a half-goblin king.”
“At this point, Frost, I’d settle for just being pregnant. It’s been four months of sharing my bed with all of you, and there’s no child. I think I’m going to worry about winning the race first. Then I’ll worry about who sits beside me.”

What?! This makes absolutely no sense! You worry so much about sex with Galen or Nicca, because they won’t be strong kings, but now NOPE, WHO CARES, JUST FILL MY BELLY WITH BABY PLS. Ughhhhhh.

So Rhys agrees with Merry, telling her that he can flash some skin for Kurag and asks her how distracting he needs to be for the goblin king.

“About as distracting as this.” I ran my hands over the mounds of my breasts where they lay barely contained in the red bathing suit. My hands slid lower, down my ribs, my waist, to frame my hips. Rhys’s gaze followed my hands like a starving man. Nude as he was, he couldn’t hide how watching me touch my body affected him.

DID YOU NOT, IN JUST THIS CHAPTER, EXPLAIN HOW TOUCH DIDN’T AUTOMATICALLY MEAN SEX TO THE SIDHE? HAVE YOU NOT, IN PREVIOUS BOOKS, EXPLAINED HOW THE SIDHE ARE SO ABOVE ALL THE HUMANS WHEN IT COMES TO SEX, blah blah blah, and then it’s all thrown out the window so that Merry can grope herself? Fuck you. Fuck you so much, LKH.

So then Merry watches Rhys become erect and she’s all enjoying it. Rhys is apparently a “grower not a shower”, yeah. Yep, that’s mentioned in this chapter. Rhys calls Merry out on staring at him.

A human would have blushed to be caught staring, but my cheeks held no heat as I raised my eyes to meet his laughter.

Rhys starts staring at Merry, which causes her to start glowing, almost orgasming, and then Rhys tells her that he’d offer himself to a thousand goblins to have Merry respond like that to him more. Apparently, with all the power Rhys gained back from the Nameless, he’s now able to make Merry feel things just by his glance.

Frost realizes that Merry has become power-drunk off of Rhys’s magic, and he tells Rhys to go find some robes for them while he helps Merry out of this state she’s in. He tells Merry that he’d try to wake her from it with a kiss, but he also doesn’t want to know if his kiss isn’t powerful enough to break her from her state. So instead he fucking freezes her with his magic. The cold from his power basically immediately destroys the power Rhys had over her, and now Merry is pissed. She yells at Frost for freezing her, and he apologizes, which, aren’t the sidhe not supposed to do?

Anyway, Frost tells her that he wasn’t sure what else to do to break Rhys’s magic over her, as Rhys has suddenly become incredibly strong by the powers he gained from the Nameless.

“Are you saying that Rhys was more powerful than any of the rest of you?”
“He was the Lord of Death himself. Death followed at his step, if he willed it. When he was great among us, Meredith, none could withstand us.”
“Then why didn’t the Unseelie destroy the Seelie?”
“Rhys was not always Unseelie.”
That surprised me. “He was Seelie Court?”
Frost nodded, then frowned.

Hahaha, I love the thought of that. Nod into frown. That’s amazing. Characters in this series are either shaking their head or frowning, it seems. Pick some different expressions, LKH, good lord.

Frost tells her that Rhys was actually of neither court. He was a power apart, the ruler of a land that wasn’t truly Seelie or Unseelie. That he was welcome at both courts, but he was of neither, and that HISTORY LESSON TIME, the separation of Seelie and Unseelie Courts was a more recent thing, that it’s a human thing. Humans named the shining, beautiful court “Seelie” and the dark, ugly court “Unseelie”.

Rhys chooses that moment to come in, and both Merry and Frost instantly go quiet. He asks why they’re so quiet, did someone die? And they all share a laugh or whatever stupid thing you do to respond to that question. Rhys then asks Merry what he should do to flaunt himself for Kurag, and I cannot fucking believe this chapter is STILL FUCKING GOING.

Rhys put his head to one side, as if thinking. “Will it bother him to see meat he can’t taste?”
“It will be a little bit of torture, and I don’t use the word lightly. The worst thing you can do to a goblin is show him something he wants and deny it to him. Showing Kurag his wildest desire when he knows he can’t have it, it’ll drive him mad.”
“Or make him so angry he walks away from the negotiations,” Frost said.
“No, Frost, if we make Kurag lose control that badly, he won’t walk away. He’ll respect the fact that we beat him this round. He’ll try to find something else to distract us for next time, but he won’t hold it against us. Goblins love a good game of one-upmanship. He’ll be flattered that we went to the trouble.”
“I do not understand the goblins,” Frost said.
“You don’t have to,” I said. “My father made sure I did.”

You were JUST EXPLAINING TO THEM how fucking WRONG THEY WERE for not bothering to learn ANYTHING ABOUT OTHER CULTURES and now it’s TOTALLY FUCKING OKAY???

Frost then tells Merry it’s like her father raised her to become a ruler, and they all wonder why this is. Merry wasn’t anywhere near the throne while her father lived, and her father was secondborn, so unless Andais died without an heir, he’d never rule. Merry believes that her father just raised her the only way he knew how to raise a child, like a ruler.

Doyle finally fucking comes back into the room and tells them that Kurag is ready to begin discussing the alliance with Merry, but he is not happy about it. No one in these books are ever happy about anything, so this isn’t at all surprising. They tell Doyle that Rhys will be joining the conversation, and Doyle is like “shit, son, no he isn’t”

Doyle raised his dark eyebrows. “Do not take this in a spirit in which it is not meant, but you have been a stumbling block to our work with Kurag. He has chided you, fully clothed, and you have practically foamed at the mouth like an ill-used dog. What makes you believe you can do…” He seemed to be searching for a word. He finally settled for, “What makes you believe you can stand up to Kurag’s teasing on this day?”

Rhys tells him that he’ll be teasing Kurag right back, teasing with his flesh, and the chapter FINALLY FUCKING ENDS with Merry suggesting they go in and talk to Kurag. Actually, no, it ends with the stupidest fucking joke and I hate this book so far.

I realized that Kurag would have more than just Rhys and I to ogle. I wondered if Doyle thought of himself as a potential sex partner, or as a meal? I guess that all depended on how Kurag felt about sidhe men, and if he preferred dark meat to light.

Seduced by Moonlight - Chapter 2